Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Randomize
