walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
