I'm gonna have a badass scar
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
