He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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