Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I want to have your abortion
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Randomize
