i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
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