So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Can vaginas get frostbite?
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
