Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
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