I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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