he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
and i looked up. we had an audience...
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
