Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
