I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
We are all done wearing pants today
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
