I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
