I think my fart just growled at me.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Liz is crying about burritos again.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Randomize
