I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
