I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
