So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
