Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
