so let's talk penis.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Randomize
