oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
