I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Is this like a preordered booty call?
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
