he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
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