Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Randomize
