I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
