Texts From Last Night

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  (734): View more from Michigan

  I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night

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  (734): I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night http://tfl.nu/yxun
  Replies (5) Good night (1422) Bad night (645)
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  (732): View more from New Jersey

  really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back

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  (732): really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back http://tfl.nu/dm4i
  Replies (34) Good night (919) Bad night (4468)
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  (805): View more from California

  An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.

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  (805): An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice. http://tfl.nu/s7hm
  Replies (19) Good night (4587) Bad night (944)
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  (408): View more from California

  I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.

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  (408): I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level. http://tfl.nu/k6hr
  Replies (8) Good night (3435) Bad night (634)
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  (224): View more from Illinois

  he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number

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  (224): he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number http://tfl.nu/3iey
  Replies (23) Good night (953) Bad night (5905)
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  (315): View more from New York

  I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit

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  (315): I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit http://tfl.nu/ybzi
  Replies (7) Good night (3711) Bad night (1885)
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  (330): View more from Ohio

  Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.

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  (330): Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement. http://tfl.nu/p08o
  Replies (2) Good night (2216) Bad night (1297)
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  (512): View more from Texas

  She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?

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  (512): She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera? http://tfl.nu/jfva
  Replies (9) Good night (1992) Bad night (550)
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  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour

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  (608): She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour http://tfl.nu/nua1
  Replies (1) Good night (737) Bad night (414)
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  (740): View more from Ohio

  Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country

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  (740): Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country http://tfl.nu/207x
  Replies (0) Good night (531) Bad night (243)
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  (540): View more from Virginia

  You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.

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  (540): You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going. http://tfl.nu/zi7j
  Replies (2) Good night (490) Bad night (228)
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  (504): View more from Louisiana

  If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.

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  (504): If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick. http://tfl.nu/8yhk
  Replies (3) Good night (339) Bad night (382)
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  (732): View more from New Jersey

  Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.

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  (732): Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world. http://tfl.nu/39cd
  Replies (4) Good night (404) Bad night (183)
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  (763): View more from Minnesota

  Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?

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  (763): Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again? http://tfl.nu/daqm
  Replies (1) Good night (202) Bad night (483)
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  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?

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  (484): Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours? http://tfl.nu/xndj
  Replies (1) Good night (175) Bad night (376)

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