I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
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don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
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HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.