Texts From Last Night

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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again

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  (215): I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again http://tfl.nu/3rrj
  Replies (7) Good night (1148) Bad night (3026)
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  (407): View more from Florida

  Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."

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  (407): Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything." http://tfl.nu/1ue8
  Replies (35) Good night (17314) Bad night (926)
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  (813): View more from Florida

  Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.

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  (813): Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase. http://tfl.nu/k8pp
  Replies (20) Good night (4573) Bad night (770)
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  (619): View more from California

  after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.

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  (619): after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible. http://tfl.nu/hzvs
  Replies (18) Good night (6883) Bad night (717)
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  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.

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  (403): Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me. http://tfl.nu/6qnx
  Replies (23) Good night (11366) Bad night (1187)
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  (970): View more from Colorado

  You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?

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  (970): You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you? http://tfl.nu/r91h
  Replies (2) Good night (1053) Bad night (2617)
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  (989): View more from Michigan

  I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.

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  (989): I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis. http://tfl.nu/oi4a
  Replies (31) Good night (6708) Bad night (1336)
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  (443): View more from Maryland

  Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.

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  (443): Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest. http://tfl.nu/68lv
  Replies (22) Good night (5423) Bad night (3289)
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  (867): View more from Yukon/N.W.Territory

  I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly

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  (867): I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly http://tfl.nu/gz7h
  Replies (3) Good night (778) Bad night (1640)
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  (574): View more from Indiana

  I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.

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  (574): I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child. http://tfl.nu/o0ig
  Replies (8) Good night (1796) Bad night (573)
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  (208): View more from Idaho

  Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing

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  (208): Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing http://tfl.nu/2w9q
  Replies (7) Good night (392) Bad night (818)
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.

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  (610): Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls. http://tfl.nu/zc4i
  Replies (6) Good night (1002) Bad night (591)
• Favorite

  (574): View more from Indiana

  I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual

  (1-574): View more from Indiana

  You're the salmon of the gays...

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  (574): I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual (1-574): You're the salmon of the gays... http://tfl.nu/2l6t
  Replies (2) Good night (894) Bad night (345)
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  (314): View more from Missouri

  You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad

  (224): View more from Illinois

  I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.

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  (314): You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad (224): I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick. http://tfl.nu/vatm
  Replies (2) Good night (295) Bad night (1063)
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  (727): View more from Florida

  I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea

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  (727): I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea http://tfl.nu/2xog
  Replies (0) Good night (325) Bad night (259)

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