I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Randomize
