He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?