Texts From Last Night

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  (205): View more from Alabama

  why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?

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  (205): why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!? http://tfl.nu/xjgi
  Replies (29) Good night (796) Bad night (4099)
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  (850): View more from Florida

  I mistook a propane tank for a keg.

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  (850): I mistook a propane tank for a keg. http://tfl.nu/qvlo
  Replies (21) Good night (966) Bad night (10230)
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  (641): View more from Iowa

  Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.

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  (641): Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that. http://tfl.nu/2jzp
  Replies (27) Good night (8945) Bad night (3403)
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl

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  (+44): it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl http://tfl.nu/hhri
  Replies (16) Good night (1240) Bad night (4358)
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  (732): View more from New Jersey

  I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.

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  (732): I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it. http://tfl.nu/c1o6
  Replies (5) Good night (2972) Bad night (2077)
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  (843): View more from South Carolina

  I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.

  (478): View more from Georgia

  Moment of silence for the loss of that option.

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  (843): I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues. (478): Moment of silence for the loss of that option. http://tfl.nu/jcvy
  Replies (29) Good night (2117) Bad night (7326)
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  (925): View more from California

  She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.

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  (925): She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about. http://tfl.nu/434y
  Replies (3) Good night (2830) Bad night (1072)
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  (806): View more from Texas

  Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?

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  (806): Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight? http://tfl.nu/jadi
  Replies (6) Good night (3168) Bad night (869)
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  (513): View more from Ohio

  That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber

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  (513): That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber http://tfl.nu/t4y1
  Replies (4) Good night (1395) Bad night (533)
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  (201): View more from New Jersey

  There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.

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  (201): There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now. http://tfl.nu/vb5o
  Replies (1) Good night (589) Bad night (344)
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  (936): View more from Texas

  Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.

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  (936): Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am. http://tfl.nu/74hm
  Replies (4) Good night (679) Bad night (305)
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  (902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

  I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime

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  (902): I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime http://tfl.nu/b6xy
  Replies (2) Good night (490) Bad night (283)
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  (305): View more from Florida

  He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?

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  (305): He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right? http://tfl.nu/9ey8
  Replies (5) Good night (873) Bad night (698)
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.

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  (203): So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza. http://tfl.nu/aaw9
  Replies (1) Good night (779) Bad night (305)
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  ...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.

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  (+44): ...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like. http://tfl.nu/l06q
  Replies (0) Good night (334) Bad night (216)

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