i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
23 Disturbing Small-Town Horror Stories
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
These 23 Kids Have The Most Overbearing Parents Imaginable
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.