Texts From Last Night

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  (765): View more from Indiana

  Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.

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  (765): Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom. http://tfl.nu/gaio
  Replies (32) Good night (3223) Bad night (5786)
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  (469): View more from Texas

  I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.

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  (469): I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over. http://tfl.nu/vab8
  Replies (13) Good night (879) Bad night (3905)
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  (609): View more from New Jersey

  I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."

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  (609): I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila." http://tfl.nu/how1
  Replies (25) Good night (5390) Bad night (2422)
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  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.

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  (401): You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice. http://tfl.nu/tgfk
  Replies (2) Good night (2543) Bad night (969)
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  (904): View more from Florida

  I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs

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  (904): I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs http://tfl.nu/az3o
  Replies (9) Good night (1390) Bad night (3364)
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before

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  (717): Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before http://tfl.nu/lay4
  Replies (6) Good night (2534) Bad night (762)
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  (519): View more from Ontario

  This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.

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  (519): This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun. http://tfl.nu/wpnv
  Replies (3) Good night (2227) Bad night (896)
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  (602): View more from Arizona

  Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.

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  (602): Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom. http://tfl.nu/31f5
  Replies (3) Good night (1152) Bad night (396)
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  (334): View more from Alabama

  I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.

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  (334): I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line. http://tfl.nu/l1fz
  Replies (4) Good night (426) Bad night (888)
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  (615): View more from Tennessee

  I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.

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  (615): I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good. http://tfl.nu/yrgk
  Replies (7) Good night (1463) Bad night (393)
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  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...

  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...

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  (405): I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes... (918): Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly... http://tfl.nu/fe10
  Replies (8) Good night (1050) Bad night (282)
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  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it

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  (267): Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it http://tfl.nu/yaso
  Replies (0) Good night (274) Bad night (496)
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  (425): View more from Washington

  I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms

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  (425): I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms http://tfl.nu/pltl
  Replies (7) Good night (652) Bad night (337)
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  (828): View more from North Carolina

  If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.

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  (828): If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong. http://tfl.nu/ed76
  Replies (9) Good night (1089) Bad night (266)
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  (843): View more from South Carolina

  In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.

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  (843): In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight. http://tfl.nu/6bps
  Replies (3) Good night (581) Bad night (336)

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