i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
