Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
