you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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