i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
