You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
