what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
