After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
