Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Drake has all the answers
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
