dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Randomize
