Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
