Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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