haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
