The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
