dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
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