You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
