she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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