after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
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i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I have feelings that need drinking.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
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no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
there is puke in my bra ... again
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