Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
