hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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