There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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