We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Randomize
