Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
