So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Randomize
