We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
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