If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
