I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Randomize
