belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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