Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
