I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Randomize
