I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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