I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
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