OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Randomize
