apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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