Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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