this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Randomize
