I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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