1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
