you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
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