I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Randomize
