She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Randomize
