i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
