I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
