He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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