Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
my being single is dangerous.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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