How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
