If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Girls should come with a carfax report
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
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