he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
All the doctor said was why
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
