Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
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