I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
