Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
