There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I think i got beer on your cat.
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