I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
