Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Randomize
