sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
