Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
